Wheatley Does Commentary! IT'S MY LIFE!
by hatersgonnahatewheatley
Summary: Another commentary on the the portal fanfic, IT'S MY LIFE! However, this time, Wheatley will be the one commentating.
1. Chapter 1

I have copied and pasted chapters 1-5 because it's just easier.

Chapter One

_I have never done a commentary nor had I ever done a portal fanfic. I am working on one, but I doubt you're going to see it soon. But I think I have a pretty good handle on Wheatley, british fast-talking, slightly mad people seem to come to me fairly easily. If you think he's OOC, then tell me!_

_I have seen other commentaries on this fic, but they were an author commentary and a GLaDOS commentary, so I thought, why not Wheatley?_

_You may have noticed that unlike my other author's notes, this on is in Italics. That's because Wheatley's comments _**Hallo There!** _will be in bold._

_I imagine this will be easier for me, like a chapter a week or so, and will help me destress from getting ready for college and testing finals, which I completed just a few hours ago from when I'm typing this._

_So, let's give it a go!_

Summary:

Hi my name is Marrissa Roberts an I was in Portal Labs two with Chell an Wheetly. **It's spelled Wheatley, luv. Which, it's okay to spell it wrong, I mean, it's not like I've ever spelt it out or anything. But it's just 'Wheat', like the grain or whatever, and 'Ley' like the... ley thingy.** This is my life! THE FINAL CHAPTER IS NOW RELEASED ITS THE MOST EPIC ONE YET SO REED **Isn't that a plant?** IT!

Chapter 1: RETURN TO PORTAL AN A SUPER HUGE SUPRISE **Oh, I love surprises!** Chapter Text

AN: Hi guyz this is my first story its what I think happens iin **You must be human, 'cause you got two eyes there. (Get it? Two eyes? See what I did?)** Portla 3!

ITS MY LIFE CHAPTER 1 RETURN TO PORTAL AN A SUPER HUGE SUPRISE!

Hi my name ish Marissa Roberts and I was doing tests with that other gurl Chell but she escaped. Glados **That's suppose to be all capitalized, 'cept for the a. Never figured out why... Maybe I should do my name that way? WHEaTLEY...** had captured me in the science lab places and made me do bad tests. **I know that they're aren't the best of tests, but they aren't **_**bad**_ **tests.** There was no thing fun bout thetests an Glaods would never let me sleep or eat or bathroom or any thing. **You mean all that smelly human stuff? Don't you have to do that to survive?**

"FOR THE NEXT TEST YUO WILL WORK WITH ROBOTS!" Glados screemed **As mad as I've seen Her, I have never heard her scream. Well, besides when I put her into a potato.** to me. Some robots came out of weird tubes and looked at me and I looked at them. The robos were one a blue ball an the other was a orange line thing. "THERE NAMES ARE ALTAS AN P-BOY **Oh, I've met those two, but aren't they ATLAS and P-BODY? And I'm pretty sure that P-BODY is a girl robot, which can happen, 'cause I'm clearly a boy robot and She's a girl. ** NOW LEAF **That's another plant, luv. Or, part of a plant. I can't remember.** ME ALONE IM SAD." Then Glados started to listen to some Avril Lavinge **Is that some kind of plant too? ** music and cry. Ever sinse she realized she was a humon before she became a goth emo **Okay, I'm not understand all this human 'lingo'...** and was always gettin on my nerves.

"Hi b**** we are here to test you." **I may be able to talk, but I'm pretty sure that those two can't. Are if they can, I've never heard them speak. I don't think they liked it when I took over. **Atlas shrugged (GET IT IT'S A MOVIE!)**Never heard of it.**. I was shocked at the bad words and glared to Altas. P-Bod **Don't forget the 'Y'** was just starin' at my bobs **You have bobs? Isn't that a name for a human male? Ah, you humans and your names.** so I kicked him his robot place. That made him angry so he shot a portal at me and made me fall into it over and over and P-Boy and Altas were lolling **Lolling? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that a gesture?** at me. Altas took out some drugs **Darling, they're robots. I've been told drugs are something that only humans can do, and if I ever tried to do them, I would die. And not just because people lied to me to stop me from using something, the ash or whatever could fry my circuits. ** and he an P-Boy STARTED TO SMOKE them. I was fedup with all of portal labs and jumped from teh portals. I ladled onto my lung **Lungs... Aren't those the things that make you breathe? What are you doing, walking around on them?** fall boots and glared mean at Altas and P-Boy.

I was soooooooo mad at those jerks for portalling me an calling me a b**** (AN not even gonna say that word LOL **What word is it, anyway?**) so I portaled them too and I saw how they like it they didant. Altas angered at me **That just didn't make any sense at all.** an P-Boy said "You broked **Um... Going out on a figuratively speaking limb here and guessing you are saying broke?** are drugs now you will pay!" Ann '**Nother human name.** he punched me right in the face! **Hey, I don't particularly like those two, but I don't think that any robot would start hitting a test subject. Shooting, yes, but not hitting.** I started cryin from the pain and those jerks just lolled at me an tried to beat me up some more with there **It's 'their', luv** portal gunz.

Sereal ours later I was cryin in a pool of blood while THOSE JERK ROBTS did more drugs and drank beer **Beer is a liquid, right? And again, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that fry their circuits? Plus, they don't even have mouths, none of us do!** an past out. All I wanted was my companion coob **I have no idea what that's suppose to say.** to comfort me but Glados was makin it do other tests an we didn't see eachother in moths. But most off all I wanted Wheetly. **Again, it's 'Wheat' 'ley'. But it's okay, you just might have a very small, minor case of very serious brain damage... Just like the lady.** He was the only nice robot I ever met an he had a super sexay British aksent **Yeah, I do have a 'sexah' accent.**, but Glados body turned him evil **I wouldn't say evil completely, I'd just say sorta of power-mad?** an he got shot in space by Chell. **So that's the lady's name? I think I kinda deserve it. Can you tell her that I'm sorry?** I rubbed my stomach **Hungry, luv?** and rembered my secret. Noone knows this, but Wheetly an I shared one secret night together **We did what?!** an now I could tell I was pregnant with his robot ball/human baby. **Is that even possible?!**

**Okay, the fact core, who I have not given a name yet because I only see him once a month, told me that in order for two robots to have a baby, they either gather the parts to make it, or the boy robot can stick the girl robot with his USB cord and upload data? Yeah, I didn't understand it either, but apparently humans do the same thing, only in their smelly human ways... But I don't think it's possible to just switch them around...**

**Plus, I honestly don't think that I'd be ever... 'attracted' to a human. I wasn't programmed for that.**

There was a window above me **There's no windows in Aperture, when you're down in the testing chambers.** an I looked out an saw the moon where Wheetly was. I missed him so much like a guy I missed a bunch. **Great description there... At least someone misses me, even if I don't know you.** Tears droped down my face so Altas an P=boy started lolling at me again an calling me names like "Fat Uguly B****!" **What is that word?** I stared rite at their lauffin' feces **Their what?! That's... Ugh...** and said my first words! **This is the first time you've spoken?**

"OMFG YOU GUYZ ARE SOOOOOOO RUDE I HATE YOU!" An I ranned off holdin my portol gun in one hand an holding nothing in my other hand because it was empty. **Those guns look heavy, maybe you should hold it with two hands?** My hare **That's another plant. Or is that an animal? They all sound the same.** was streaming behind me an all the robots were saying how pretty an hot I was so I yelled at them too an said a lot of cusses so they stopped yellin at me. "Why cant I jus be a normal girl going to high school an have a boyfriend that isn't space lost!" **I'm not space lost, just waiting for someone to come and pick me up. If you were wondering, my coordinates are: 1zhhbzttt mzztzzzzzzzzaazzz...**I cried an hugged the place were the baby was going to be was.

There was a strange noise coming from the necks room and I looked in a saw…. Glados was cutting herself! **Oh, good, I'm back. Lost the signal there for a second, there was a meteor, according to Kevin.** "CHELL IM SOOOOOO SORRY I NEVER TOLD YOU YOR SISTER'S NAME IS REALLY MARISSA ROBERTS **Chell is your sister? There wasn't anything in her file...** AN SHE HAVE SPESHUL **That's a bird, that's definitely a type of bird.** POWERS AN CAN SAVE THE WORLD IF SHE BELEEVES!" Then robot blood **Robots don't have blood... They have oil, do you mean oil?** started goin everwhere and I realized that….. Glados had sewisided!111!1! **I think you might have a little more brain damage then I thought... Might one to get that checked out.**

THAT WAS A HOLE LOT OF TWISTS, IF I GET SOME GOOD REVIEWS ILL MAKE MORE CHAPTERS MAYBE WHEETLY **It's still WHEATLEY.** WILL COME BACK AN IS GLADOS REALLY SEWISEDED? FIND OUT NECKS **That's a part of the body. ** TIME!

_So, there you have it. This was a good stress reliever for me. I hate adulthood and I'm not even fully in yet..._

_Anyway, tell me what you think, if Wheatley was OOCish and if I should continue._

_Thank you all for the support! I'm going to aim for doing one every other day, so I have enough time to work on other stuff._ _**Although, if I had my way, we would do this all the time.**_

_But Wheatley can't have it his way, but he does have something to add, so I'll let him have the spotlight for a second._

_**Hello! I loved your reviews, they were the best! Also, they helped with this little *hem* prooobllem I've got. I call it the Itch... And your reviews are just like finished tests, they great!**_

_But, anyway, here's the next chapter of 'Wheatley Does Commentary: ITS MY LIFE!_

**Chapter 2: GLADOS, SEWISIDED?** **Chapter Text**

AN Ok to all the flamerz **What's a 'flamerz?'** here I unnerstand why you don't like chapter 1 it's the inductory chapter so there wasn't much good stuff. But heres were the action picks up!

**ITS MY LIFE** **CHapter 2 GLADOS, SEWISEDED?**

Glaods was dead an I was Chell's sister! **Oh, you are? So, you're adopted too? Not that there's nothing wrong with that... Oh, wait, you mentioned that in the last chapter.** I o-mouthed at the shock from all the revelation if only Glados hadn't sewiseded **I think that's a type of hobby that people do to make things** maybe she could give me the down lo **What's the down lo? **. But I did no **It's know, luv. **two things 1 I had to find Chell an tell her the big newds an 2 what happed to Wheetly **It's... Ugh... Do you like spelling my name wrong? Because I don't like it. Frankly, it's annoying. ** I had to fin doubt.**You had to fin doubt. Yeah... That makes perfect sense.** Juts then Atals an P-Boy **I feel like I keep repeated the same four things over and over again. It's P-Body.** came in teh room lookin even madder than befour. **Hey, you got something right for once!**

"Your gonna pay now you dumb b****!" Shotted P-Boy while Altas lolled an wrote mean things on my facebook **Facebook... Is that a book full of faces that you just keep around? Seems odd, even for a human. **LIKE A S**C**ERTAN OTHER SOMEONE! I held one hand tite to my portal gun an got ready to fight them when a strange feelin came over me. It was all matrixy **Matrixy? What does that mean?** an slow-mo but also like electric **I think a comma would be nice here... Not a coma, like that sleep thing that happens to humans with brain damage, but the other thing** I could see all the sparks an wires an things in the robots.

"POWER OAF!" **Power Oaf? Is that a type of creature, like a unicron?** I yelled for some reson I didn't no why an the two robots went dead. Electic lightening came thru my skin an eyes an mouth an everywhere but I was not shocked. Some of teh bolts hitted Glados an she became alife a gain! **Ugh, you brought her back? Again? Haven't we all learned a lesson here yet? LEAVE HER ALONE?**

"YOU STOPED MY SEWISED MARISSA ROBERTS THAT WAS NOT NISE!" Glados angered loud an started cutting herself **How would she be cutting herself? She doesn't even have any arms, luv** to make a new dead. I just locked at me hands where little lighting bolts was still happening an thot **You thought? Is that what you're trying to say, I mean, I may be a 'moron' (WHICH I'M NOT) but at least I know how to spell. I have spell check.** "What is goin on!"

Gladoss aw the sparks an o-mouthed. "YUR POWERS THEY ARE MANIFASTING YOU MUST FIN DCHELL! **Yes! Find Chell! Let the story turn to her!**" I was soooo confused an angry for Glados no telling me I had speshul powers, I coulda used them to solve TESTS **I honestly don't see how have 'speshul powers' would help in any or Her tests.**. But I did wanted to meet Cheel an let her no were sisters an I have cool robot powers. "ILL EXPLANE EVER THING LATER FIRST YOU MUST GET TO CHELL SHE IS IN SPACE LOOKIN FOR WHEETLY! **Chell's looking for me? Woohoo!**" I o-mouthed, Chell new how ot space flight an was savin Wheetly **You know what? I'm not even going to bother anymore**? I was sooooo happy now but didt no how to go space.

"But how can I space?" Glados lolled an sad "YOU HAVE MORE POWERS THAN YOULL EVER NO BUT ONE IS SPACE FLY AND BRETHING! **You can't breath in space. You can hold your breath, but I don't know how much that would help**" This was sooooooo shocking I thot hard about flyin an suddenly rocks **Rocks can't fly, just like humans** came out of my feet an I started to fly up past the portal labs an into space. When I got to the moon I looked fro Chell n Wheetly. I STARted (hehe becos its in space where there are stars **Only I can make great jokes, go somewhere else!**) lookin behind asterods an space junk but they wasn't there. Then I rembered, in space noone can here you scream! **Really? That might just be the most intelligent thing I've heard from you.** So I couldn't here them, unless maybe I have another special power!

I thot hard to try an listen when I heard something it was….. WHEETLY! **I'm starting to feel like you're just doing that on purpose now.**"You bloody sod stop oh god save the queen!**Bloody Hell, I don't sound like that!**". Chell was there an she was beeting him up **Why would she be beating me up? I mean, yeah, I betrayed her and basically tried to kill her a bunch of times, and... I can see why she'd want to beat me up, not that it would matter. I'm made of metal, she'd probably break her hand just trying.** an Wheetly was all broken lookin **Oh, thanks, make me look like the damsel in distress, why don't you?**. My heart fell but the sight of my tru love gave me MORE POWER **SPEAKING IN CAPS LOCK** an I flew towars him.

"Cheel stop hurtin Wheetly!" I begged to her. **You can't talk in space, believe me, I've tried.** Chell looked right at me with a lot of hatred an some sad too an said:

"Wheetly went evil an tried to kill me an I bet he tried to kill you too because we're sisters Im sorry I never telled you Marissa." I o-mouthed again **Is that all that your mouth can do? Seems a bit useless** at the revelation. Chell new we were sisters the hole time? But Glados sayd she didn't tell her, that was when I realized it was trap. **Oh, plot twist! **

"Help me Marrissa this bloody bugger is trying to wank me! **(0) (I did a shocked face... Did I get it right?) Do you even know what that word means? She can't do that, I'm a robot! I don't have the... 'Appliances' **" Wheetly pleaded as Chell kept beeting **That's a plant. Type of potato, if I'm not wrong** him up.

"Yur not Chell, yur GLADOS!" I screamed an "Chell" got a "Oh S***! **Now, what's that word? It's longer than the last one. Or shorter. Yeah, it's shorter **" look on her feces. **That's still gross** I punched fak Chell in her face an the skin ripped off to show that she was a robot like the Terminator **The Terminator?** but instead of terminator it was Glados! "Why did you trick me?"

"I wanted revenge for you stopping me from sewisding! **She wanted revenge from you stopping Her from making clothes? **" Glados robot screemed **Still have never heard Her scream. Well, a couple times... **. Befour I could get MY **CAPS LOCK STUCK** revenge of Glados Wheetly yelled out real loud **Can't yell in space, can't even talk, said that before **!

"BLOODY HELL IT'S A SODDING ASTEROD HEADED STRATE TOWARDS US!" **I still don't sound like that!** I looked an saw the Asterod it was bout to hit us when….. **When what? You know what... Never mind. I don't want to know **

**TO BE CONTINUED! **

**Oh, god no... There's more?**

HOW DID I SURVIVE THAT? WHERE ALLS THE POWERS COMING FROM? FIND OUT IN CHAPTER THREE WITH EVVEN MORE INTENSE ACTION! ***sigh* More?**

_And remember, please help Wheatley with his dreaded Fanfiction Itch, or he'll keep bugging me. Please. I am literally begging you. And just to let everyone know, my spell check is off for this, because it would go crazy and drive me mad, so just let me know if any of Wheatley's comments have spelling errors._

**Things will go a lot better if you just hit that review button, luv. (*) -That's a winky face, by the way.**

Chapter 3

_I would give you something about how sorry I am that I didn't post when I was suppose to, but I'm really not... I went to my state art conference (a pretty big thing) and my school got sixteen ribbons, which is a lot, because there's only a hundred or so ribbons and there's ten schools who enter, each with up to a ten in each of the twelve categories, so over a hundred totally. I received six for my works, which is the most anyone got. _

_However, I didn't get best of show, which was sad, because a weird little statue that was poorly made and was in the wrong category won, and someone drew all over my friend's sculpture, a replica of the Venus De Milo. And I thought we were in high school, not middle school. But no, we must draw nipples on the art of others. *Sigh*_

_There was a lot of fan art there, mainly Kingdom Hearts, which, honestly I thought was sad. If it were original fandom art and not directly copied from the cover of the video game itself, it would be fine. But it wasn't and that's not good. _

_It's art, not pinterest 101._

_Anyway, sorry for the rant, I should let you read Wheatley's thoughts._

_Oh, and the Unicron reference wasn't towards Transformers, which I have seen the new movies but none of the cartoons or anything, but it was a shout out to one of the best, in my opinion of course, Portal 2 fanfics, Blue Sky._

**Chapter 3: MEETING WITH CHELL!** **Chapter Text**

To all the flamerz I got a good review so there, pepole like my story an yur just trolls.

The pepole tryin to give consertive criticism tell me what you don't like or yur as bad as the REAL TROLLS! **Luv, I think you are the real troll. I hope this is all a troll, at least.**

**ITS MY LIFE** **Chapter 3 MEETIN WITH CHELL**

The asterood **Rood... Sounds familiar, but not how you spell it.** was headin right for us an hit us an it hurt my every place **Hurt your every place?**. Wheetly got alls broken but robot Glados was not close an pushed way into space. "I hope yur bloody powers can help us sodding land!" Wheetly yelled becos he was scared **I don't get scared. And we all don't sound like that!** I tried hard an a magic shield came around me an Wheetly **You are just doing that to piss me off, aren't you?** so as we started fallin to Earth no thing bad happened.

As well falled fast towards Earth I saw Portal Labs comin up front **How did you see it? The whole blody place is underground, just a shack about, I think.** so I braced myself round Wheetly. We landed with a huge crush to were Atlas an P-BODY **Well done, luv! Have you been finally listening to me? **(Thanks CONSTRACTIVE CRITISIM GUYS AN NOT TROLLS) were smokin more drugs. The looks on there feces were classic when ethey saw me back with Wheetly. "What are you doin here this is are turf!" Altas yelled loud at me an punch but my shield broked his hand. **They don't have hands, just... Claw things.** "Imposable!" Then I kicked him back an looked to P-Body an glared at him so he pooped robot stuff **Pooped robot stuff? That's a human function. Robots can't do that. ** an ran away.

Suddenly without warnin a girl jumped from the whole in the seelin I made when I landed. She was wearin a jumpsuit like me an she looked like me but a little less pretty an hot **Oh, of course. Make yourself better than Chell. You know, honestly, I prefer her over you. **. I new immediately it was Chell. Chelllooked at me an smiled an started to dance crazy.

"SHAKE IT BAKE IT BOOTY QUAKE IT ROLL IT A ROUND!" **She's mute. Meaning she can't talk. At least her brain damage isn't too bad. Brain damaged like a fox, that one. You're brain damaged like a goldfish. Like a goat... No, like a cow. Yeah, let's go with that. **Chell sung as her danced an shake butt. Wheetly got sad lookin an told me "I forgot to mention she got brane damage an cant solve tests **She can solve more tests than you and probably better. Have you seen her test? There were amazing...** no more that's why Glaods let her go befour." I cried some tears at my retorded **That's not a nice word. ** sister shakin her butt all crazy an stuff like on the Sym-Bionical Titan show **Never heard of it.**. I got out a magum **Never heard of that either.** pistol an went up to Chell head to shoot an pet her out of her MISERY (which is also a movie) **I thought that was a song? As in 'I am in Misery, the silence is slowly killing me', although, right now, silence would be better than this.**. The gun went off like boom boom boom an Chell falled down with blood from her headhole. "Im sorry my sister." Wheetly **You know, there are test subjects in Africa, who don't even get to learn to spell my name?** was cryin an I started cryin to becos it was a really sad day. **Yeah, because you JUST KILLED YOUR SISTER. YOU'RE THE MONSTER HERE.**

After all the tears came out I got up an went to find Glados for revenge. **Why would you want revenge for that? You're the one who KILLED HER.** Wheelty couldn't walk so I put him in my jumpsuit an he got real happy "Marrissa yur chests is so big an squishy!" **Ew... Why would I be happy about squishy round things?** He happied so I got happy too an we went for Glados. Glados was listinin to her dumb goth emo music when she saw me an Wheetly **Ugh, I give up.** come in. "WHAT DO YOU WANT YUO ALREADY STOPED ME FROM SEWISIDING AN STOPED MY REVANGE?" **Yes, for god's sakes, just leave Her alone!**

"You put Wheetly in space an made Chell booty quake an tried to kill me **She didn't try to kill you? When did she try to kill you, you killed her! She was just dancing!** to so I will kill you." My body started glowin electric an I used my special new fight ability MEGA PAWNCH to punch Glados head off **You punch her head off. Okay... **an she died for real this time. Wheetly turned off all the dumb goth emo music with science powers **I have science powers? Like what? My massive intelect? **an we were happy. Then I remembered somethig I needed to tell to Wheetly. **Oh, no...**

"Wheetly you need to no that Im….. pragenant!" Wheetly looked at me with shock an aww. **No, I would look at you with 'Are you crazy, massive brain damaged human?!"**

"Marrissa this is good news we can have robot ball/humon baby an live happily ever after for ever now!" **Oh, dear lord, no. **I was sooooo happy I hugged Wheetly an we almost made a twin baby right then an there **Even if we were... Compatible... That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works!** when Atlas an P-Body show up.

"Hey b**** **It's that word again...** were back!" Atlas yelled an took out a guns. [-Body took one of the gun an aim it at me too. I powered up my sheld but something strange happened an I fell over an started brething hard. **Oh, wow, way to add drama. (SARCASM DETECTED) Oh, I still have that? **"Whats wrong with me?" Wheelty got scarred lookin while Atlas an P-Body lolled an got ready to shoot us up. Things was going down bad when some one raised up from behind the two robojerks an hitted them on heads with frying pan! It was… CHELL! **Ah, I knew she was still alive...**

"Chell you saved us!" I congradulated her. "Marrissa you made me Left 4 Dead (AN: LOL**?**) you b**** so now get ready to die!" Lookin closer I saw Chell was right, she was a zombee now! **And how did that happen? **Wheetly made some growls **Robots can't growl...** to stop her but Chell didn't care an tried to bite me but accidentally bit Atlas instead so he became a robot zomboy! **Oh, dear, no... Make it stop already...**

**TO BE CONTINUED?**

IM RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS FOR WHAT MARRISSA CAN DO IN PORTAL LABS **Does that mean the end is coming soon? I hope so?** I THINK NECKS CHAPTER SHELL GO TO OTHER VALVE GAMES **No... Don't ruin other games... Please.** MAYBE IF YOU WANT?

Chapter Four

_If you reviewed to the last chapter, thank you! I haven't read it, though, because I did this right after the last one, because of the whole two days thing. _

_**Chapter 4: HELLO HELL, THE RETURN OF GABE JONSON!**_ _**Chapter Text**_

_AN: BEFOUR THE CHAPTER HERES A SHOUT OUT TO SOME OF MY REVIEWS!_

_XHEADFONECHICKX – THANKS FOR THE IDEA, I REMBER GLADOS SAID THAT ANDROD HELL WAS A PLACE IN PORTAL 1 SO THAT GAVE ME THE IDEA FOR THIS CHAPTER!_

_THE PIE3 – OF COURSE ITS BAD CHELL BOOTY QUAKED AN NOW THERE ARE ZOMBOYS, IF IT DOESN'T GET BAT THE STORY WULD BE BORON! _**I'm fairly sure that's an element in the table of... Elements. ** _ITS CALLED CONFILCT MY TEACHER TOLD ME SO!_ **If your teacher actually read this, I think that they would be very disappointed in you. Unless you really do brain damage, in that case, good on you, mate?**

_**ITS MY LIFE!**_ _**CHAPTER 3: HELLO HELL, THE RETURN OF GABE JONSON!**_

I o-mouthed in shock at zombee Chell an Atlas an Wheetly just screamed **Again, I don't scream. Or get scared** real loud. There was no weapons to fight them with but I thot hard an used the portal gun to portal below me an far away **Do you know how a portal gun works? Yeah, you could do that, but it would be harder, because you need to pop a portal on a white surface. **so I escaped with Wheetly. **You know what?That's it, I give up** "That was a close one Wheetly" said to me an we started lookin for clues on why zomboys happened. Then was wen I realized one of my powers was super detective **Oh, so you're Sherlock now too? There's no need to ruin everyone's fandom...** an I new where zombees came from. THE TATERS! **THE TATERS? You might want to get a new keyboard, luv. I think yours is a bit broken. **

"Those were zombee taters **Zombee taters... Not a type of plant... Although, that does sound something like a potato... Maybe a cousin to the potato?** if you eat them an dead you will be zombee." I esplained to Wheetly who o-mouthed. Then a portal happened an Chell an Atlas came out with nifes ready to eat us! **Who made the portal? Did it just appear out of nowhere?** My powers were still all wonky so I culdnt fight them instead we ran fast but triped. **Way to go, clumsy.** I looked to what I triped on an saw it was…. A prototip portal gun! I piced it up an test fired it at Chell an Altas who falled down it an flames came up. **Why would you need it? I thought you already have a gun. That's just stupid.**

"Bloody hell it's a buggering portal to andord hell!" **Now you're just sterotyping. British people don't all sound like that, just people from London.** Wheetly realized an I new he was right. Even tho they were zombees now I had to safe my sister an Altas **A) You killed her. B) They're apparently zombies now and C) I thought you hated them. ** from androod hell so I grabed the prototip portal gun an jumped in. "Marrissa no its toooo dangerous!" Wheetly cried but I had to do it.

Insid androd hell was a bunch of metal an fire with robots gettin bet **It's really nothing more that a room where Personality Spheres yell at you. Annoying, yeah, but not hell...** up I saw Glados an Chell an Atlas all there being hurted by robodemons from the game DOOM **Can you stop making references from things that no ones ever heard of? Be descriptive, luv. At least try. You're not even a good jumper, got nothing going for you right now **. I wents up to Cshell an saw her was not zombee **From what I heard, from the scientists at the laboratories, that's not what happens to them. They just either rot or get disposed of...** any more an o-mouthed at me.

"Marrissa you saved me becos there are no zombees in adroid hell thank you!" **She's still mute. Can't speak.** Chell hugged me an I was happy that my sister was safed but now we had to fined Altas an get out of here. So we went lookin for Atlas when I saw a hotub made off lava **I don't think that would be possible** with a muscely guy in it an lots of hot babes. Chell was reel suprised at him an I thot telepathic **Oh, so you can move things with your mind too now? That's just going a bit overboard... A by a bit, I mean a lot** "Whats goin on Chell whos that guy?"

"That guy is…. GABE JONSON! **Isn't it Cave Johnson? You know, the mad lemons guy?** " The man looked up at us when Chell sayd it an he was all shocked. "Marrissa is that you?" He was all scarred lookin an made fart bubbles **Oh, that's gross** in the hotub which made all the hot babes angry so they left. **I would too, that's just gross... Although, how would they notice? Don't hot tubs, even lava ones, bubble?** "OMG How do you no my name?" I asked in shock an o-mouthed. **I think that you're using that 'term' too much** "I no it becos your… MY DOTTER!" **LUKE, I AM YOUR FARTER!** We all even the robots o-mouthed an

Chell fainted becus wewere sisters so she was Gabe Jonsons dotter too. Gabe got out of the hotub but he was NAKED **Sitting naked in boiling hot water is bad for you** so it was all gross an I ran away. "OMG OOPS!" **CAVE/GABE JOHNSON WILL NOT SPEAK IN LOWER CASE. HE WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH LOWER CASE!** Gabe said lolling an got some pants on but I was already goin far away.

After some far runnin I got back to the portal an saw something bad! Wheetly was all tied up an P-Body **You really don't have to tie me up... I literally cannot move. Which is why I need people to pick my up from the floor** an now alife Atlas were throwin the taters into androod hell an robots were eatin em **Again, robots can't eat** an turning to zomboys! A robodemon ate one an becomed the big zombie boss monster from

Reisdent Evil **Is that a time period? Ah, you humans and your labels** only he had a portal gun an rocket launchers **It's a zombie, I don't think that they can do that kinda of things with rotting brains** . Gabe Jonson ran up carryin Chell but zombees were chasin them! Atlas an P-Body lolled an said "Bye B****!" **I am tired of not knowing what that is!** an closed the portal leavin us rapped **Forgot the t** ! We had been Left 4 Dead!

"Marrissa you most use yur powers its the only hope. **I don't see why this needs to be all about you. While, it is nice to be in the spotlight, let me tell you, but it's not the best** " Gabe Jonson said an I new it was true **Oh, some person you don't know tells you something, better believe him! ** . I bended down on the metal floor an thot hard an sparks came out of my everwhere an I glowed brite gold. **Ugh... I can't even... This is worse then trying to come up with tests... That's it. I'm done. I don't care if this is literally the only thing to read up here, in space, I'd rather listen to Kevin shout 'SPAAACEEE!'** Gabe Jonson o-mouthed at me an Chell was still uncosios so she didnt do nothin. There was a huge flash of the britest lite ever an we were in Portal Labs!

"Yay we did it!" I sad huggin Gabe an Chell. Then some one started to lol at us it was… GLADOS! "You let me escape from Ardod Hell now I will have my revenge on you Marrissa Roberts!_"_

_**TO BE CONTINUED!**_

_OH NO! CAN MARRISSA ESKAPE FROM GLADOS ONCE AN FOR ALL AN IS GABE JONSON REELY A GOOD GUY AN DAD? FIND OUT SOON!_

_For the record, I have heard of Doom, Resident Evil, and pretty much all the references this story has made so far. But Wheatley hasn't. He's a bit of an uncultured Swine..._

**Hey! I am very cultured! I've read all the great authors.**

_Sure... Remember to tune in next time to find out whether or not Wheatley decides to give this another go!_

Chapter Five

_Yuni, I know that Wheatley gets scared, but I just thought it would be funny, and truer to his character if he claimed not to. Who says they're scared anyway? Just a show of bravery, really._

_And I finally got Wheatley to do another chapter, though he's certianly not happy about it, so expect to see his anger in this... I threatened him with taking away his internet time (He looooves cat videos!_ **I do not! I listen to Shakesphear on the computer... **_)._

_So, here you go._

_**READ THISSSSS: YOU HAVE UNTIL FRIDAY TO READ THIS STORY! WHY? LOOK EITHER DOWN BELOW THE STORY OR IN THE REVIEW SECTION! **_

_**FRIDAY BEFORE IT GOES BYE BYE**_

**Chapter 5: CHELLS BOOTY QUAKE REMIX!** **Chapter Text**

AN THANKS FOR THE SPELLIN CORRECSHUN ON WHEETLY WHO IS NOW WHAATLY **That's still not how you spell my name!** AN GLADOS IS NOW GLaDOS! **Oh, so you spell Her name right but not mine?! I thought you were suppose to like me!**

**ITS MY LIFE!** **CHAPTER 5: CHELLS BOOTY QUAKE REMIX!**

GLaDOS was makin me do tests a gain with lots of traps an turrents **Did you get caught in one? Because that would be brilliant** . Becos she was a emo goth now all the walls were black an red an there was Avril Lavinge an My Kemical **I think you're trying to spell 'Chemical' and you spelled it wrong. It's not even that hard of a word** Romance music playin which made it hard for me to do the tests an GlaDOS was cryin an cuttin herself **She can't cut herself, she doesn't even have arms** on the big screen comptuer. WHEATLY whos name was right this time **NO IT'S NOT! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL MY NAME! You know what? Can I just be done now? I literally cannot take this anymore, it's awful.** was back on his rale an had to clean up all the robot blood from GLadOS cuttin herself an it was all messy an sticky like the repulsive gel.

**Gah... I just was told I still have to do this... But it's too awful...**

I pressed a botton that made the test done an got ready for the next one when a rumbling happened all of sudden. A thing fell out of the seeling **That's not how you spell the underside bit of a roof.** an it was… MY COMPANON COOB! **Coob? Like, that one food you humans like so much? Corn on the Coob? **_**(AN: **__I am Iowan, so that's where that came from. And I hate corn on the coob... __**) **_**Are you done talking then? **_**(**__Yeah__**) **_**Then go away, this is my thing. ** I ran so fast to the coob an gave it a big hug an cryed some becos I was so happy at least GLados had gived me one thing to be happy with **She would never do that **. Then the prototip portal gun came out from a wall-hole an made a new portal to Andord hell.

"You must drop the coob in Adroid Hell now Marrissa or ill put NEROTOKSIN in the room!" **See? I told you. Maybe if you would listen to little ol' Wheatley, this wouldn't happen **GlADOS said. I culdnt kill my companion coob, he **How do you know it's a he? Yeah, you don't** was my best frend besides Wheatly an Chell, then I rembered Gabe Jonson was supposed to be here an he was my dad so maybe he was workin to stop GlaDOS which gave me renued strength to do more tests but I had to find away to not hurt my coob. **Oh, boo ho. It's just a stupid cube.**

If onyl I had a powers to solve the test without hurting my companion boob I thout. "HURRY UP MARRISSA THE NEROTOKSIN **That's spelt wrong.** IS ALMOST REDDY!" GLaDOS angered when I realized one of my powers is NEROTOKSIN immunity! **Oh, of course. Make one of your powers being immune to everything so no one can kill you! Really?!** "Go head an toksin me Glads." I boated to the dumb emo goth computer women. "DOT SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!" GLaDOS started pumpin all the room with icky green farts that smelled reel bad but didt hurt becos I was immune. I piced up the companon coob an went threw door an saw something bad…. **Please say it's a universe where you don't exist...**

Chell was shakin' her butt all jiggly a gain an dance crazy an Wheatly was watchin. **Honestly, I would watch. Not that any of that stuff interests me, because it doesn't, but because it would mean not watching you** "SHAKE IT BACK IT BOOTY QUAKE IT ROLL IT A ROUND!" She sung **Do you know what mute means? Go look it up right now, please...** an I realized that Chell had a relaps of brane damage **I think you've had a serious relaspe of brain damage **. "YEAH Chell BOOTY CUAKE IT!" Wheeatly **The E's ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE** cheered becos he didt no I was watchin. "WHATLY HOW COLD **Could** YOU?" I screemed an Wheatly said "OH BLOODY WANKER!" **I don't talk like that!** An ran off on his rale. Chell was still retorded but I GlaDOS taked my magum pistol so I couldn't fix her. **And you can fix her by shooting her in the head? That's not how it works!** I sat down an started cryin.

How cold Wheatly bretrayed me when I was preganent with his robot ball/human baby an we loved eechother **I don't love you **? Also I needed to fix Chell so she would stop doing dance crazy with shake butt but not even my powers could fix brane damage **Wow, the one thing your powers can't do. Imagine that. Why isn't this over with? **. "THERE IS ONLY ONE CURE FOR BRANE DAMAGE!" GLaDON yelled out loud with no indoor voice **Robots only really have one volume...** . "IT IS THE ZOMBEE TATERS!" Now it all made sense! When Chell was zomboy she was act normal so to safe Chell I needed to make her zombee a gain! **No, that didn't make any sense. How about you go over there and eat one of those 'ZOMBEE TATERS'?** This was bad news. I had to pick between retorded normal Chell or smart zombee Chell an even sores Wheatly **I have no idea what you just said. Besides the fact THAT YOU SPELT MY NAME WRONG AGAIN STOP IT** was cheetin on me!

I walked off leavin Chell to dance crazy an found the zombee taters. I picked one up an started to CRY. "WHY IS EVER THING GOIN BAD AN WRONG AN WHEETLY ABDONED ME FOR MY TARDED SISTER?" **I would do that any day. Pick her over you** Cry came out of all my eyes an all every where. **Cry came out of all my eyes an all every where. See? That sentence doesn't make any sense at all!** I didn't no it at the time, but it was part of GLaDOS plan, she was turnin me into a goth emo!

MEENWHILE Wheatly was rollin on his rale with tears in eye **My eye does not leak** becos he was sad for betrayin me. **I really wouldn't be** "Why did I bloody have to betray Marrissa my one true love? I am a sodding wonker **I don't even know where you're getting this **!" He didn't mean to betrayed me but he secretly had a love trangle **No trangles here. Just one girl with brain damage that I do not like, and one mute that I do. Guess which is which. Doesn't even take a genius to figure out that one** between me an Chell but he thot it ended but guess not. "I have to a polozie to Marrissa an make things better a gain!" **No, don't do it, mate!** Wheetly speeded on his rale back to me when some thing grabbed him it was… ATLAS AN P-BODY! **Oh, thank god, maybe those two will save me...**

"He b***** wanna smoke some drugs/?" P-Body said an gave Wheatly a drugs. "No. **Yes. Don't care if it fries my circut. Just yes...** " Wheatly answered becos drugs are bad he new from me. **How would you know? If you've never tried them...** "How about drink some beer then?" Asked Atlas. Wheatly didt want to but the peer pressure was strong an he was reel sad after all…

**TO BE CONTINUED! **

WILL MARRISSA AN WHEATLY GET BACK TO GETHER? **No, please no... You can't even spell my name right...** WILL GLADOSS EVIL PLAN BE STOPED? WHERE IS GABE JONSON? FIND OUT NECKS TIME ON ITS MY LIFE! **You know what? I'm going to tell you a secret. If I tell you, I might actually die, not because they told me I would die if I ever said it, but it's a self-aware thing...**

**You see, we're characters from a video ga- AAGGGHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHJBBBTTTTZTZZZZTZTZTZTZTZTZTZTZTZTTZTZTZT **

_Um... Also, I got a review saying I can't do this story? Even though there are already about three of this type of story already up here? Wtf? So, until that is resolved, you won't get anymore chapters. Way to upset Wheatley._

_Also, do you know how hard it is to freaking get an Archive of Our Own account? Because I have tried. It's near impossible. _

_If you want to continue to read this, I'm going to try to post it on fig ment . c o m. Erase the spaces and looked up 'Kelli Bettey' and it should be in my library._


	2. Chapter 2

_Yeah, sorry, been busy. Update! This story will not be posted on figment, due to figment's usually rather helpful auto spell-check, but with this story, where everything is suppose to be spelt wrong, just doesn't work._

_Oh, and as I am typing this, my computer is being very slow, and is showing the sentence at least a minute after I type it. I can't even see the first sentence._

**Chapter 6: THE BIG ADVENTURE OF WHEETLY** **Chapter Text**

AN: OMG 30 REIVEWS! TAKE THAT FLAMERZ YUR JUST MAKIN MY STORY MORE POPULAR ALSO IM NOT BEEN OFFENSIVE AGAINST BRANE DAMAGE BECOS CHELL IS JUST A PRETEND CARTOON I WULD NOT INSULT REAL BRANE DAMAGE PEPOLE THATS JUST SICK!

ASLO, THIS CHAPTER IS FROM WHEELTYS POV.

**ITS MY LIFE!** **CHAPTER SIX: THE BIG ADVENTURE OF WHEETLY**

I was sooooo upset with me self becos I betrayed Marrissa an was a bloody soddin wanker. **Ugh... What happened? I-I can't remember... Must have blacked out or something... I can't remember what happened in the last chapter? Please tell me we didn't get married or something...** I didt meen to but I saw Chell booty quakin an was over come. Back when we first met I licked her **I licked someone? Isn't that a smelly human function that uses that wet thing in your mouth?** an she liked me but things didnt bloddy work out **A) I would have made it 'worked out' and secondly, that's not how you spell 'Bloody! Just because I'm British doesn't mean I sound like that, bloody hell. **. She was less hot an pretty thaan Marrissa **Ehh... I doubt that** an didnt catch me on my rale **The rail, you mean? I don't recall you ever catching me either **! So I saw her booty quake an rembered when we was datin an got all lovey. Her bom (AN THATS BRITISH FOR BUTT LOL **NO IT'S NOT BUM IS BRITISH FOR BUTT, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I CAN'T SAY ARSE**) **I tried to make my cap lock stuck like her's** was all jiggly wiggly an it was like when I was in charge of the hole place an we tested **Ah, those were the days, weren't they? She tested, I watched, and everything was fine. Now I have to put up with this** . Then I turned into an evil bugger **I was never 'an evil bugger!'** an she dumped me.

"OH YEAH Chell SHAK THAT BOOTY!" I screamed out loud to Chell but I didt realise someone else was watchin... Marrissa! "WHEATLY HOW COLD YOU!/11" **I VERY WELL COLD!?/11/!** Oh bloody hell sod she saw me with Chell god save the queen! **For god's sake- Please, stop with that, all British people are dying** "OH BLOODY WANKER! **You don't listen, do you? **" I yelled a gain an ran **I do not ever run away... Because I phsyically cannot. I don't have legs** away faster than ever befour on my rale. I couldnt let Marrissa see me cheetin any more I was real sad.

Soon I was in a place I didnt see befour there were drusg ever where an beer an playboy **Do you even know what that is? Aren't you, like, five or something? Or just really, really brain damaged? I honestly cannot tell anymore. Reminds me of take your daughter to work day. Still, this is more interesting than potato batteries (It's really not, that was a joke)** magazines it was where Altas an P=Body lived! **Did no one tell you? They get disassembled at the end of the day. **I looked round some wwhen a thing grabed me! "He b***** **No, really what does that say?** wanna smoke some drugs/?" P-Body said an gave ne a drugs. "No." **Yes** I answered becos drugs are bad I new **Forgot something there, didn't you** from Marrissa.

"How about drink some beer then? **That's a liquid, it would fry my circuits**" Asked Atlas. I didt bloody want to but the peer pressure was strong an I was reel sad after all… So I sayd "Ok fine you sodding wonks." **No, stop! The stereotyping is too much!** So they gave me beer an drugs an I started to smoke them up. They feeled real good like the testing **I doubt that any real substance can feel as good as testing** so I was happy an got hi. I started tellin my story to Atlas an P-bODY an they herd me tell it. **This is my story- I don't particularly like you, 'Marissa.' **

"Then she bloody dumped just becos I was enjoyin' the floor show with CHell an booty." Atlas an P-Body pated me on the ballback **While that is technically correct, it just sounds a bit wrong** an said "Ots Wheatly we unnerstand yur problems thats why Marrissas a b****. **Still don't know what that word is... But yeah, she probably is**" I shoud have listened to them but I did any way an got angry like I was on sterods ore **Sterods ore? Never heard of it, if it is a real thing** something. "You shoud get revenge on her an show her whos boss! **Who's the boss? Not me... Not anymore**" \P-Body agreed while drinkin more beer. "Yur right guys we need to teech that b**** a lesson!" I angered becos the drugs an beer was makin me confused. **There isn't anything that could ever make me confused- WAS THAT A BIRD! BIRD BIRD BIRD AAAGGGAHHHHH** I was such a bugger bloke but I felt sooooo hi I had to.

"Lets go fine her an teach Marrissa her lesson!" Altas yelled an I an P-Body said "YEAH!" an we charged lookin for Marrissa. **Oh, good... I think it's gone. It's gone. Blimmey...** We found her in a test room an I was shocked... she was wearin a black jumpsuit **Where did she get a black jumpsuit? Even the designer ones from France still come in Orange, well there was on that was blue, but that was it...** an cuttin herself while lisitin to Avril Lavinge music! Marrissa had became... a goth emo! **Oh, no! I still don't know what that is!**

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SHHORT BUT I DONT LIKE WRITIN AS WHEATLY **THAT IS NOT HOW YOU SPELL MY NAME! STOP IT!** THE NECKS PART WILL BE LONGER AN WILL MARRISSA STOP BEEN A DUMB GOTH EMO? ALSO GABE JONSON WILL COME BACK AN HE HAS A BIG SUPRISE! FIND OUT! **Oh, no...**


End file.
